A question I'm asking myself a lot, at the moment.
I've never had a 'goal' in life, I've never truly had an achievement I wanted to gain, I only just scraped through school with 2 GCSE's, didn't go to college so, obviously, didn't go to university. I don't think I put in the effort because I didn't know what I wanted to do.
That hasn't stopped me from encouraging my children to do well, mostly because they are much smarter than me. However, if scrubbing floors made them happy, I would champion them all the way. Earning enough to get by, and being happy, that's what I've always seen as the important things in life. For most of my life I've done shop work, which did make me happy, if there is ever a time when I'm no longer needed to care for those I love (if my youngest becomes capable of independent living), it's probably what I'd go back to.
I was a bit of a wild teen, stories I will not tell here (as both of my parents read this blog), I was married at 19, to the same man I'm with now. I caused so many problems for those around me, but I have lived a life, I don't feel like I've missed out on anything.
Even this blog isn't planned out, I write when I want to and mostly wing it, as far as content. I don't want to monetise it (although I have occasionally, in the past), I don't want it to become a job, I want it to be my place.
Where does that leave me right now though?
|Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash|
Maybe lockdown has made me question my choices. Like I said above, I don't feel like I've missed out on life, I certainly don't have any regrets. Everything I've done up to this point has made me who I am (an angst ridden, self depreciating mess, but still me).
Should I expect more of myself? Should I be striving to succeed at....anything?! Or is it okay to simply muddle along? I started to train, a while ago, as a teaching assistant. However, life got in the way, my son's needs took over anything I wanted to do. Again, I have no regrets, my son taught me far more than any course could.
So, back to the question, what's next?
I still don't know, do you? Has your life been mapped out since school, have you always known wanted to what you want to do?
Sometimes I wish I knew but other times I just enjoy riding the wave of this life. After all, it's the only chance we get.