Uh Oh, the word this week is:
I know the sort of responses I'm going to get, I've already heard them: 'well don't' and 'you deserve a break'.
Doesn't change how you feel, inside, though, does it?
The reason I'm feeling like this? I'm doing something totally for myself! Yes, I'm going to a blogging conference (I mentioned it the other day, in a post), totally for me. I'm not doing it because I have to, or because I'm somehow involved, this is my choice. However, with that comes consequences. Can I really afford this?
What if I hate it, that's such a waste?
What if something happens, when I'm not at home?
Oh, and to add to that, Ajax was in tears this morning, going to school, and didn't want to let me go...........massive guilt.
What is it with some mothers? Why can't we do something, for ourselves, without the guilt? Maybe it's just been too long since I did something totally for me, through choice, not demand or necessity.
So, I'm currently lying in bed, in my cheap hotel, talking myself into staying (and determined not to cry). I dare not phone home, to check up, because that would upset Ajax again, so I just have to put on my grown up pants, and crack on.
Any tips on not feeling guilty, when you feel like you've abandoned everyone?