Wednesday, September 11, 2019

It's Not Easy

I may have 'jumped the gun' a little, with Ajax returning to school. This morning I left in tears, hubby pulled over, down the road, to console me.

It's not that he hates it, I know. It's all about change.

However, knowing what it is doesn't make it easier to deal with. He isn't refusing to go, thankfully, he's just not happy about going. Seeing your child upset everyday is heartbreaking. I don't have the mental strength to home school him, which has been suggested in the past, plus needs the structure school affords.

I've also heard the words I've been hearing for years:
"He's been fine all day, this is for your benefit"
Ummm, no! He's been quiet all day, which means he isn't happy. He has selective mutism, the quieter he is, the more upset he is. He doesn't open up to people, talks to very few. When he's around us, he doesn't stop talking! His poor brother has his ears talked off, on a Sunday (the day he comes for dinner).

The reason I get the sad face, is because I'm his safe place, the person he knows he can show his true feelings too.
Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the school, it's excellent. The unit he's in is fantastic for children like Ajax, the ratio of teachers, to children, is around 2-1. In a time where funding around additional needs is so tight, this is an incredible leap, something so much of the country is lacking.

I am over the moon with his new school, and their level of communication. I just need to keep getting him there, hoping that it gets easier, as he gets used to the new routine.

Today, I just needed to vent. 
I needed my safe space (this blog).

Just because my son is a, beautiful, happy soul, doesn't mean it isn't bloody hard.


  1. Sending hugs.
    It must be so hard sending Ajax to school when he is so upset.
    I hope things get easier soon. x

    1. Hopefully it's just a case of giving it time, it's a massive change for him x

  2. Hope he gets as comfortable as it is possible for him to get there


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