I seem to write these catch up posts whenever I feel like it. However, it's my blog, so I can!
There's not much to catch up on, during the week. It was my wedding anniversary, but having no money meant we didn't do much. We treated ourselves to a healthy breakfast, at our new favourite cafe: Woodies
After that, it was just a normal day.
The weekend, however, was ups and downs all over the place. Friday saw a weight gain, at Slimming World, no surprise, hormones playing a big part.
Following that, thanks to my mam, staying at mine with the boys, while giving me the keys to hers, Friday night was a blissful night off, boy was that heaven! It might sound odd, to others, but to us, well, it works. I get to eat dinner in peace, do what I want, then go home and sleep for as long as I want. I can't think of a better way to celebrate 26 years of marriage.
We got to go to the cinema, watching Adrift, have a takeaway for dinner, then crash in bed. I slept, on and off, until 1.30pm the next day!?
In amongst all of this, other stuff happened, that led me to question myself........
I did something that I thought was silliness, just acting the fool, it was not taken that way. I won't say any more about it, as I'm a firm believer in fair, and the other person has a right to answer, which they can't here. They also have a right to their feelings, which I would never intentionally dismiss.
What this has done to me, is mess even further with my anxiety and self confidence. Now, I do not want any one to blame the other person, it's not their fault that I suffer from these things!
Basically I sank, badly, this weekend. I've cried myself to sleep, I worried, I've really struggled. Yesterday, I couldn't even face brushing my hair.
I've been trying to take control for a while, but it keeps going wrong! Mental health isn't something we can openly talk about, even now, with all the publicity surrounding it!? Why is that? Why do we still feel that we can't open up?
So I did!
One of the other mothers, from the school, messaged me..........and I actually told her how I was feeling! I told my mam, and got a cuddle. This meant a lot, as I know she's never really understood it, but is still so understanding.
Then, this morning, the first noise I heard, when waking up, was my youngest and Mr. Ojo, giggling at something on the TV. It made me smile, made my heart sing, and made me want to get up, get dressed and get out.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: However stupid you think it may sound: Speak up, someone will listen.
However bad, and chaotic, the world seems, people are innately good, they want to help. If this blog post helps just one person open up, I've payed it forward.
I know I'm lucky to have an incredible support system, so many haven't, but you will be surprised who will listen, if you just speak up.