It really does feel like every post I write, these days, is a catch up post, explaining where I have been hiding! To be honest, if it's not one thing, it's another, in our lives. I really do need to carve out some space and time for myself, to feel free and to write.
I actually did one thing this evening that would help that situation! I moved a desk into my 'dressing room' (that sounds so much posher than it is. It's my eldest sons old room, that we now dump all the clothes in!), I have sat myself in front of the window with a bunch of fake flowers and a scented candle. I'm hoping it inspires me.
I like to be alone to write. I'm not mam, wife, chief cook or bottle washer..........I'm simply Ojo.
Now, back to where I've been. I've actually been quite absent across all social media, this past few months and this time it's not JUST been about the children!
One of the bigger things, that kept me on my toes, was my eldest. I know I don't talk about him much, but he's almost 20 now (EEEEEK!) and doesn't want his life splashed across here. However he did give me permission to write about this. You see, I talk about the other 2 having autism, but I rarely speak about my eldest boys struggle with his mental health. He suffers with terrible anxiety and depression, he tried counselling, but it didn't work for him. He's on medication, but the one he was taking was giving him unpleasant side effects, so he was changed to another.
I think we can call it: The Month From Hell!
He was worse than he'd been for a long time! I can't remember the last time he was such a mess. Having him living away from home made it even harder, thank goodness for his ever patient girlfriend! He broke down on me more than once, his anxiety was through the roof again, it really was a horrible time for all involved. Thankfully, after a particularly bad day, we got him into to the Dr, who promptly changed his meds again. He does seem more like himself again, so we'll have to see how it goes.
I guess the reason I'm talking about it, and why he gave me permission, is because it NEEDS to be talked about! I like to think my boy can always turn to me, or his girlfriend, thankfully he does. But what about those suffering in silence???
We need to be more aware of these problems in our young. I know people say they have no reason to be depressed, blah blah blah..........SHUT UP. If you think being depressed has to have a reason, a cause, then you don't know depression. I have been on medication for many years, I'll probably never come off, because a part of my brain needs it, to function. You would take paracetamol for a headache, wouldn't you?
The other reason I have been away? I've been a little poorly myself. The doctor has agreed that I'm pre-menopausal, my iron dropped through the floor again, then I got a throat/chest infection that knocked me to the ground. So I've spent most of the last month either sleeping, or feeling quite ill. I'm now up to 15 tablets a day, more to be taken during menstruation (too much info? Tough!). I guess that's the life of a full time carer though.
All in all, it's not been a pleasant time, of late.
Anyway, I'm back now and I will try to write more regularly.