I'm supposed to be doing the Blogtober thing, where I write a post every day for the month of October. I haven't. I simply haven't had the mental energy to do it.
Do you know why?
Because I'm an Autism parent.
The past few weeks, if I'm being honest: since they went back to school, have been hard! My boys aren't naughty, they don't fight, they rarely have meltdowns. All these things we've managed to get a handle on, we've changed the way we treat them, we understand the triggers and avoid them, as best we can.
Since going back to school, this year, Ajax has struggled. We have had a big step back in his development. We are back to school refusal which really isn't as easy, as you would think, to deal with. He's too big to pick up and carry now, if he won't get out of bed, then that's that. That's hard enough to deal with, but the tears that come with it are heartbreaking! One morning he sobbed for around 2 hours.
We are also back to struggling with food, he's basically eating toast, or noodles, for dinner. He is refusing anything else, unless it's 'junk food'. The thing people without autism in the family don't understand is: my son will not eat, unless it's what he wants. He would rather starve, than eat what's offered.
He's also refusing to speak, when he's in a bad place. It's very hard to fix what's wrong, when you don't know what it is. He just seems sad, all the time. As parents it's heartbreaking to see, I wish I could just give in and keep him home all the time!
He already comes home for lunch, every day. I have to do this, as he doesn't have lunchtime support and I don't feel safe leaving him in the yard with just the normal lunchtime staff. There is nothing wrong with the lunch staff, they are a lovely bunch of ladies, but they have enough of a job on their hands.
On top of all this, he is not sleeping well. He had around 2 hours last night, me and Mr. Ojo were up all night, between us.
We are tired!
I honestly thought that RJ would be the hard work, being high functioning and going through the teen years, but no, he's doing brilliantly! He's at the stage in school where he's doing his choices, and he's away from the boys that were bugging him. He's doing well at school, and home.
The step back in development, that Ajax is going through, is finishing us off. I honestly can't wait for the middle of Nov, when I'm driving up to London, so the mister can watch the rugby. All I can think of is the rest!
Every day I think: 'maybe tomorrow will be better', but it doesn't seem to be.
Maybe tomorrow will be better......