I'm not worried about being middle aged, my next birthday I turn 44, but it has made me realise I see things slightly differently. I'm not sure how much of it has to do with getting older, or if it's exhaustion related, thanks to children of various ages.
I was planning on spoiling my mam this mothers day, with a nice dinner and her favourite cake. With this came discussions about a drink at the table, I actually said the words 'No, I don't want wine, I don't like the way it makes me feel'(?!!). I actually realised I haven't had a drink since New Years eve, and then it was only one after my eldest (19) was home. Who am I?? I do crave a night out, but when the chance arrives I simply don't have the energy.
I mean, I don't feel old, I actually feel quite sprightly. I just feel like I'm (gulp) growing up. I know I don't look like a grown up, however, with my unicorn hair!
What else has changed?
Then and Now
Celebrity Crushes Then: In my teens it would have been whatever rock star had long hair and tight jeans. Now: Probably Philip Scholfield, the silver fox. I even think Bradley Walsh has the cheeky cockney thing sorted!
I look at pop stars now and my maternal thing switches on, nothing else.
Television Then: It was all about Top of the Pops, and Saturday morning hijinks. Now: It's still Saturday morning, now it's Saturday kitchen though. I'm a huge fan of This Morning and I love a good, edge of the seat, drama. Thankfully, I'm still not a soap fan, I do detest them.
Nights Out Then: Regularly down the pub, it helped that I worked behind a bar for a while. Also, anything that involved a band. It was all too much make up, too much hair and too much alcohol. Now: Honestly, I wish I still had the energy to go see some bands. I still love a night out, these days I'm lucky if it's once a year.
Reading: Then: It had to be music magazines, or anything that had free lippy! Also loved a bit of a naughty book, Mistrals Daughter was one of my favourites. Now: Give me a blanket and a kindle, I'm a happy bunny. Love a good thriller, something I can lose myself in.
Food Then: Oh I was so bloody fussy! My veg had to be raw, didn't eat a cooked vegetable until I was 16. For a few years, my favourite food was a bowl of rice and sweetcorn, nothing else, just that. Now: I'll try anything, if I'm honest. I love experimenting, in the kitchen, I actually have herbs and spices that I use. My Chinese 5 spice is in date! (although I do still love rice and sweetcorn).
Does all this mean I'm growing up? I'm not sure. I think we just see things differently as we get older. As my eldest child gets ready to leave home I'm wondering how he will change.
Will he eat something other than pasta or pizza?
Will he actually be on time for something, anything??
Will he have some month left, at the end of his money?
All these things I've learnt as I've grown up, now I get to sit back and laugh as he has to do the same.