Thursday, May 26, 2016

The Parent Trap

Before I really get into this, being a parent has made me the happiest I could be. I wanted a child for a long time, I first wanted a child when I was only 18. Unfortunately, it took me 6 years to conceive.

I know it seems young to start a family, but by that time I had been with Mr. Ojo for 2 years and we had our own flat. It was want we both wanted, simple. The 6 years it took to conceive was filled with heartache, there were several miscarriages, followed by years of hospital visits and fertility tests. We thought it wasn't going to happen, so we gave up. 

We accepted that we would have each other, love each other, regardless. We went out and got new jobs, I started re training in IT........then it happened!

An old picture, but one of my favourites!

I'm telling you this, because I want you to understand how much I love being a mother, before I continue:

Being a parent is Bloody hard!

I'm struggling at the moment. My teen is coming out of the other side of a massive depression. He's told me he is happy to talk about his mental health, because he wants to be open about it. He now takes anti-depressants and, thankfully, it IS helping. He has made new friends and seems to be discovering who he really is, as a person, away from the things that made him feel negative. As a parent, it was a tough time, seeing my child struggling to see each day, struggling to see the point in life.

My middle child is struggling with bullies, in school. As I've said before, my son has high functioning autism. It means he struggles with 'teasing', which is like a red rag to a bull for bullies. At the moment, the school seems to be dealing with it, but not enough as far as I'm concerned. I really want to go up there screaming at them and battering the parents of said children, but I can't. I have to be responsible, I have to be the grown up, the PARENT. 

My beautiful little Ajax. Oh that boy is a bag full of joy, and a constant daily worry. I never thought, when I started the path to parenthood, that I would still be changing 'nappies' in his 9th year. I didn't expect my diary to be full of hospital and physio appointments. I expected days at the beach, or park, not a child that finds that all too overwhelming. 

I thought I could have it all. I thought I could work and parent, that had to change.

I'm not saying all parenting is hard work, but I don't pretend your life will continue unchanged. There is a surprise around every corner.

Yet......I wouldn't change it for the world!

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