I've been feeling incredibly sad lately. Not depressed, just sad. I've never been a 'positive mental attitude' type person, as it is, but lately I've felt worse.
I feel like luck is against me.
You would probably think I was talking through my ass, if you were around me. I have a nice, shiny, new car. I have a hubby who seems to adore me, and children who make me smile.
I just can't shift this feeling that it will all go wrong soon!
My health is playing a big part in this, I think. I had another blood test, last week, followed quickly by a phone call. I now have to take even more iron. This means I'm still taking 3 iron tablets a day, just now a higher dose.
I can't help wondering why? Why is no one caring about what's causing my lack of everything?? I have to take 13 tablets and 1 injection per day, and 2 ampules of vitamin D a month. But I'm still tired!
Yesterday I managed to get my 2 youngest boys out of the house, this is a huge success for me and Mr. Ojo. Within minutes of getting to Brecon National Park, we remembered why we don't take them far! They were hard work. Still, we persevered and got them out walking a little. I'm very glad we did, because we laughed so hard, and they want to go again. I'm hoping they still feel like this next weekend.
However, I got home, went to bed........and woke in the middle of the night with horrific pain in my left hip (which, annoyingly, is my GOOD hip!? The other hasn't been right since giving birth to my eldest).
Today I had to take my youngest to school using a walking stick, I would've fallen if I hadn't. I have barely moved all day, and am in pain when I do.
When does it stop?
Is it just because I am getting old (I'm 42)?
It's taken me 3 weeks to recover from the fall I had, I was finally going back to Zumba tonight! Obviously not now, now I don't know when, or even if I'll be going back.
As for being social, I honestly don't want to see anyone. I am not a sharer in real life, I don't like opening up face to face, it's why I started this blog in the first place.
So I'm sorry if I'm dumping on you (again), my lovely readers, but you are all I have. I don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking to, I just tap it out here, and I feel better.
I know that the response to this will be lots of love and hugs sent. Believe me I appreciate it, just don't expect me to open up in real life!
Unusually for me, I don't want cwtchs. I just want to hide away until the latest round of crap I'm going through passes.
I know it's probably the totally wrong thing to do, but it's my way.