No, not my marbles..........My confidence.
My confidence in my abilities, in myself as a whole.
I don't feel sad, or down in anyway. In general, life is pretty good. I know my mister is about to lose his job, but financially we're ok. He is probably always going to be in some pain/discomfort, but he's finding things to do, so he's not bored or frustrated (yet).
I haven't got out my sewing machine in ages, I just can't bring myself to sew another item that will look like cr*p.
I have material cut, ready to be sewn, for a waistcoat (for the teen). I picked up some beautiful satin material, to make a vest top for myself. Neither of which have come out of their bags, for weeks.
I haven't even started back to my sewing class yet. Everyone seems so far more advanced than me. If I was new to sewing I wouldn't mind, but I'm not, I've been sewing for many years!
I haven't baked a cake, or made my marshmallows. They just always look rubbish. Those that will eat cake, in this house, say they taste good, but they would eat dog food if I put a crust on it! I've had some real disasters in this house, most of which have not been photographed, I'm not that dull.
Oh wait, yeah I did.
(These were not done by the children!)
Worst of all though, I've lost confidence in me. I can't remember the last time I went out, and had fun. Me and Mr. Ojo went to a party a few weeks ago, but when I look back, I'm horrified at my appearance!
I am struggling.
I can't seem to slim down, even though I am eating less, and moving more.
I don't go out anymore. I used to love a Saturday night filled with dancing and booze. I'm not talking in my teens, I'm talking a year, or two, ago. I don't think anyone would want to go out with me, that is how low my confidence is.
My idea of a good night, right now, is my comfy bed, a film and my puffer.
I know that I should stop comparing myself to others, that's the down side to social media. Everyone appears to be so much better at life than you. I don't see it through rose tinted glasses, I know people only share the good stuff!
I just want to pick up my: sewing machine / crocheting hook / knitting needles / Pencil / laptop (delete as applicable), and DO something.
To not be afraid I'm not good enough.
To move/exercise, without caring if people see.
To put make up on my face, and think I look OK.
I've lost it, and I really need it back.