Saturday, April 25, 2015

I've Lost it..........

No, not my marbles..........My confidence.

My confidence in my abilities, in myself as a whole. 

I don't feel sad, or down in anyway. In general, life is pretty good. I know my mister is about to lose his job, but financially we're ok. He is probably always going to be in some pain/discomfort, but he's finding things to do, so he's not bored or frustrated (yet).

It's me.

I haven't got out my sewing machine in ages, I just can't bring myself to sew another item that will look like cr*p. 
I have material cut, ready to be sewn, for a waistcoat (for the teen). I picked up some beautiful satin material, to make a vest top for myself. Neither of which have come out of their bags, for weeks. 
I haven't even started back to my sewing class yet. Everyone seems so far more advanced than me. If I was new to sewing I wouldn't mind, but I'm not, I've been sewing for many years!

I haven't baked a cake, or made my marshmallows. They just always look rubbish. Those that will eat cake, in this house, say they taste good, but they would eat dog food if I put a crust on it! I've had some real disasters in this house, most of which have not been photographed, I'm not that dull.

Oh wait, yeah I did.
(These were not done by the children!)

Worst of all though, I've lost confidence in me. I can't remember the last time I went out, and had fun. Me and Mr. Ojo went to a party a few weeks ago, but when I look back, I'm horrified at my appearance!
I am struggling. 
I can't seem to slim down, even though I am eating less, and moving more.

I don't go out anymore. I used to love a Saturday night filled with dancing and booze. I'm not talking in my teens, I'm talking a year, or two, ago. I don't think anyone would want to go out with me, that is how low my confidence is. 

My idea of a good night, right now, is my comfy bed, a film and my puffer.

That's it. 

I know that I should stop comparing myself to others, that's the down side to social media. Everyone appears to be so much better at life than you. I don't see it through rose tinted glasses, I know people only share the good stuff!

I just want to pick up my: sewing machine / crocheting hook / knitting needles / Pencil / laptop (delete as applicable), and DO something. 

To not be afraid I'm not good enough.
To move/exercise, without caring if people see.
To put make up on my face, and think I look OK.

I've lost it, and I really need it back. 

Much Love

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1 comment:

  1. Just go for it Jo, I being a total hypocrite to be honest actually. right now I can relate to your post so so much and yet I do nothing. I haven't any will power to even start losing some weight and I'm hating how I'm getting bigger so why am I struggling? I have no idea you should be proud you've come a long way already. I'm glad in general things are good. Stop being so hard on yourself, there's plenty of people out there who try to beat us down in some way, be kind to yourself xx


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