Today is another guest post, from Charlene. Touching on a subject very personal to her, but that a lot of us can understand:
Guilt and love as a young mum
As mums, I'm sure we will
feel guilty at some point .
For me I still feel guilt
over times when Estelle my daughter was a baby .
She turned 13 last week
and, as birthdays often do, they make you reflect and remember . Our
relationship is much stronger these days then when she was younger
which was confirmed by one of our mother daughter chats on her
birthday where she said in so many words how she used to hate me ….
I left her dad when she
was 7 and she was very angry over this and we didn’t have a close
bond which I believe is due to me having post natal depression and me
not having a mother of my own …that’s a whole other story! We
also moved a lot which was very unsettling and as a sibling of a
brother with autism she has had to take a back seat .
There were arguments in
the past where I would say 'go an live with your dad' and I really
struggled to connect with her.
I feel as a result all
these factors combined has affected her and I feel GUILTY.
I often think, wow. I wish I
could go back with what I know now and enjoy her as a baby and appreciate
her growing up .
I think having her young
affected a lot of my maternal feelings as I was still growing up and
finding out who I was. A lot of the mistakes I've made she has seen, or
suffered from.
So her saying yes I hated
you, was hard to hear and I did cry but it wasn't said in malice, it
was said as a sign of how far we have come .
We are close now and adore
each other, we bicker, we annoy each other but we love each other so
much .
I am very proud of the
young lady she is becoming and what she has overcome. Despite a rocky
start and lots of dramas, and the days I feel guilt, I know I've done a good job.
She is my rock and keeps
me sane at times, as being a single mum and carer is isolating.
Thank you for having me
and you can find me on @hellosweety26 and charlenejess.wordpress.com
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