Friday, September 06, 2013

What I have learnt...

I have had my eyes opened a little in the last few months. I am fighting to be me, to be happy. To be accepted for who I am.

This last week I have been on holidays (You may have noticed if you're a regular). I've had a little time to think, a little time to find things out about myself. Some good, some bad, some that just make me realise how old I'm getting.

So here goes...

What I've learnt:

1. I do not have an unending source of Patience

I realised that I am the only person that can talk RJ down. We have had at least 2 'moments' a day, whilst on hols. I have had to take deep breaths and calm him, talk to him, find him space (yes, I am talking about my undiagnosed child!). Yesterday I ended up shouting...

"I am sorry I have spent all my money making you miserable, I am sorry that I didn't buy you a bar of chocolate. I am sorry I am such a crap mother, I shall find you a new one as soon as we get home!!". 

This is what we call a big, fat parenting fail. However, I have to accept that I had done well up to this point, I am not perfect.

2. I am not 'OK' with my size

I put a swimming costume on, for the 1st time in ages, yesterday. Then I cried. I genuinely had not realised how big I had actually got. 'Morbidly obese', they're just words, they have no meaning to me, until now! Because I am mostly happy, it hasn't occurred to me. I have never been embarrassed to get in a swimming pool before. Now I am. 
I was utterly mortified. 
Things have to change. 
Things are going to change. That is another post, for another day.

4. I know the words to some terrible songs

I know, I know. We all have that CD in the rack we don't share. I have found myself, during the long drive to and from Weymouth, singing along to such classics as...... Sclub7 - Don't stop Moving (Almost word for word and in tune). Britney Spears - Oops I did it again (Oh dear me). 
And finally............Gangnam style........I'm so so sorry.

5. I can cope in the sunshine

I started to feel ill on our day to Adventure Wonderland. I had already felt ill earlier in the week, after our day on the beach. However, I found some shade, drank 2 bottles of water, topped up my factor 30.....and felt OK. I think, in future, if I remember a sun hat too, I will cope a lot better.

6. My hubby has the patience of a saint

He puts up with me.........enough said!

7. I don't need anyone

I genuinely like my own company. I can always find a book to read, or some knitting to do. If you don't like me for who I am, leave me alone. I am disorganised, I am temperamental, I am moody. That's me.

These are the things I have learnt. My little journey of discovery this week. Most of all I learnt I am happy with my lot. I have a loving hubby, beautiful children and, a mother that will dog sit for a whole week AND clean up for me! 

I hope I can carry how I feel right now, and move forward with my life.


  1. Oh Jo this is such a beautifully honest post, and I so wish I could write as openly and warmly as you. It sounds like you have really had a bit of a voyage of discovery on your holiday. Like you I am happy in my own company - sometimes too happy! I would say that we can be hermits together but I think that's a contradiction in terms - but you know what I mean! Much love xx

  2. Jo, I love how you write with such fabulous honesty. You just let it spill out and I love reading it, (not reading that you are unhappy) I just love reading the truth, reading what comes from your heart. I am definitely not a social butterfly, I like my own space, my own time and I never surround myself with too many people. I love having good friends - just not too many, if you know what I mean. Oh and I have absolutely no bloody patience what so ever xx


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