Yesterday I hit a blip, a very very VERY big blip.
I had a bit of a relapse to the old me, the binge eating, no confidence me. Boy did it knock me sideways!!
I ate double the quantity of everything I was supposed to eat! I ate a huge bowl of cereal. I had 2 chicken kievs with chips for lunch. Then I are the ultimate failure.....
I had a takeaway.
I had chips and sausage in batter and curry sauce. I didn't even really enjoy it.
I had been feeling sad and inadequate all day, it's what started the binge. When I can't control my feelings, I turn to food.
It's something difficult to explain. I know what is healthy, I know how to lose weight. Then my feelings take over and I eat and eat. It's like beating myself up with food. I am punishing myself. That's the only way to describe it.
I am making improvements, just little ones, but they are there. You see, normally when I do this, I would hide it away, ashamed of the calories I had consumed, but this time I didn't!
I took a screen shot of my, honestly, filled in diet sheet.........and I posted it across the social networks I belong to. This is it:
I had done something wrong, I needed help, so I reached out and got it. I am forever grateful to my unseen friends all over the world. You have supported me in a way very few would understand. I am eternally grateful. Because today I understand that I failed, but it's ok.
Today I got on with it.
Yesterday I couldn't even write a post on here. I didn't think I was good enough, I felt like I wasn't enough or as good as others. Today, I realise that I am no better or worse, I am me. I write because it frees my mind.
Yesterday is gone. I reached out and realised, the people in my computer and on my phone, are among some of the best friends I've ever had.
Today I realised, I AM getting better, because I dealt with yesterday, and moved on.
x Ojo x