The weekend away has left me a little muddled. I didn't miss my boys as much as I thought! I think the wise one, Mama Owl nailed it, she said something along the lines of
'we know they are looked after, they are with their dads'.
We are both in stable relationships, where our children's fathers play a big part in their lives. So, I do think that made the difference.
When I got home Sunday afternoon, they were still living. Big points for the hubby for that!
The house was clean and tidy. No one was hungry.
They missed me, but no more.
They don't need me!!?
Lately I have been thinking a lot about where my life is going. I am very happy, very contented. My hubby works stupid hours, so the thought of going back to work is a no go area. Unless, of course, he gave up work and stayed home. This is something he has always been willing to do, if I found something that could support us.
Due to our boys needs one of us does need to be 'on call' at all hours.
Now they are all in full time school, however, I feel like a bit of a fraud. I know a lot of working mothers, I myself was one. I worked right up until my pregnancy on my 3rd child.
I feel like I am looked down on. I feel like people think I am lazy.
Am I lazy??
No I bloody am not!!
Are people saying that? Or am I so unfulfilled that I am projecting these thoughts?
I am constantly justifying myself, in my mind.
I do struggle to walk sometimes. After a weekend on my feet my limp is quite pronounced. But why should that matter? I would still work if I could!
I keep telling myself it's no ones bloody business how I pay my bills anyway! They are paid, my children are clean(ish) and healthy. They know they are loved and cherished. They also know about boundaries and I am often told how well behaved they are. So I must be doing something right.......right??
I am considering going back to school, but I never had a career plan. So what do I do? Take advantage of the free courses and do something I want to do?
I also feel like I may be letting the 'side' down a little. There are many discussions about feminism being thrown about, one of my favourite bloggers spoke about it this weekend. Read her post about it HERE.
But then I made my choice to stay at home and look after my boys. No one made me. Isn't choice the basis of feminism, that I live in a home where I am an equal in the relationship?
However, there is the kicker, I am an equal, but I feel unfulfilled.........
What's next for Ojo???
I will let you know......As soon as I know!