Tuesday, June 11, 2013

A letter to ME

I've never done 2 posts in one day before, I wonder if people would bore of me if I did. That's when I shake myself and remember why I started this. It was a place to be me, a place to air what I am feeling and be me.

So it was like fate today that @premmeditations told me that she had created a linky. I don't want to tell her story, she should tell her story. You can find it here: premmeditations. Please read it, it is truly from the heart, and a little heartbreaking. Most of us as parents doubt ourselves, our abilities. It's hard bringing up a child, especially a special needs child.

They say that no one has written a book on it, but they have! When it comes to children with special needs everyone knows better! The idea of the linky created is, to forgive yourself. Give up the guilt.

Not as easy as it sounds......but here goes.

I'm sorry if I did anything during my pregnancies to cause the needs you have. So many studies want to blame my obesity, the food I ate, how much I slept or worked. It's time to forgive myself, I didn't do anything!! In fact, the pregnancy I was the worst on, was my biggest boys! What I have realised is, you boys are what you are. You are my sons and I love you, especially your quirky personalities.

I am sorry that I shout sometimes. I know you can't handle the loud noises, but I have to forgive myself for this. I am not perfect, I have never said I am. Sometimes it all gets a bit much, when I've had to say the same thing, or answered the same questions. Or the most regular one, told you everyday that your lunch money is in your bag, to hand it in, but by Thursday it's still there, in your bag. I cannot help that sometimes I blow.

I have to forgive myself for sometimes crying, I know you don't realise what the tears mean. You may give me a hug, because you know something isn't right, but not what it is.

I am tired, of being not good enough
I am good enough!

Most of all, I am tired of feeling guilty for not giving my time to others. If you don't see me much, maybe it's time you think about why? Because I'm not living with any guilt anymore.

I'm forgiving myself.


  1. Waaah, we all do the best that we can. Yep, you are good enough and so am I.

  2. Lovely post - it is very therapeutic isn't it. Great blog

  3. You must feel so much better after getting this off your chest, I hope you keep this and re-read it when you need to because it's all true.


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