What do you do when your child won't go to school? You probably say something like....."well tough,you're going". That sound about right?
I would love to do that, I really would.
But, you see, with Autism, you're never really sure of the reason for the negative reaction. Because my child, although he can speak, cannot express himself in the same way. There is no getting him dressed, so far today he has refused to put anything on, and only just allowed me to change his nappy.
He's now in my bedroom, watching cbeebies, and stimming.........running back and forth and talking to himself. It feels like a loss, I know he can't help it.
Yet it still feels like I've lost.
I feel like I'm failing as a parent. I mean, I know I'm not. My autistic son is talking, his understanding is getting better, he is in a mainstream school. These are things that I know me and the Mr have fought hard for, we have pushed him gently, because I still have expectations of him, regardless of what others might think.
Today in my head I also decided to give up the fight to have RJ diagnosed. Whats the point? I know he's a little different, but again I fought hard to get him where he is today. I can get him the rest of the way without any help. They can stuff the so called support up their jacksie today! That's the sort of mood I am in!
So my thought for my day is...........
When does it get easier? When will I be a mum, not a warrior that has to fight for everything?
Cos I am goddamn tired!!!