Yesterday I broke down.
I cried so hard I could barely speak to the lady from Action for Children that's supposed to be helping me.
I was wreck, I curled up with my family for the rest of the evening, then was in bed by just after 9pm.
I broke down because, again I have to point out all my sons flaws.
This is what getting a diagnosis takes, to sit there and talk about my amazingly talented, intelligent, articulate child. But I have to talk about the violent streak, the obsessions, the lack of awareness of social boundaries.
She just doesn't see it because shes come into my house twice, and he's been fine with her!?
That's when I broke down.
Yes he's polite, so is little A, because as their mother I've worked bloody hard to make sure they 'fit'.
Yes he will talk to you, but he will talk to anyone, and that terrifies me!
You sat here and for 1 hour, indulged his current obsession, the guitar, see what happens if you don't!
Try taking him out for that hour, go on just try!
So that's why I broke down, because I'm exhausted. I can't talk about the bad stuff anymore. I even said the words 'I want another baby' today. I can't, and I don't even think I really do. I just want a child to acknowledge my existence, to give me a cuddle, to nurse.
So yesterday was hard, today's not necessarily better.
Tomorrow I will do a reason to be cheerful.......talk about the good stuff.