Today I start again, on something that I have never actually stopped!
Confused?? Let me explain....
So, some of you that read this know me personally, some of you have gotten to know me through family and other friends. A lot of you that read this don't actually know me at all though. You've passed through FB, or twitter or someone Else's blog.
Well a little thing about me is, I'm a big girl. I've actually always been a big girl.
What most people, whether you've been in my life for a while or not, don't realise, is just how unhappy this makes me.
I am the big, bubbly one. I have never been shy......Ever. I am the life and soul of most parties, the one who's first to kick her shoes off and get on the dance floor...........and stay there for the rest of the night! And most definitely the one who has to be dragged kicking and screaming from the karaoke.
Because of this, most people don't realise how unhappy I am with my size, and the person I have allowed myself to become because of this unhappiness.
I have allowed my size to become all consuming.
I have come to the point where I cry most days.
I don't leave the house much, and I have shut myself off from everyone, I can't bear to lay this crap at my friends doors because.
A. they wouldn't really understand.
B. Everyone has their own crap, why should I plaster them with mine?
The hardest thing is.......I do try! I have been with myfitnesspal for almost 2yrs!
I am active! The basics of losing weight is.......Eat less than you burn, Simple! But I do! Genuinely! I wear a fitbit Every. Single. Day.
It ensures that I am burning more calories than I am taking in.
I have tried everything.
Last year I tried the 2 biggies......Weight Watchers and Slimming World.
I wasn't losing on the one, so I tried the other. Over the year of trying both I managed..........to GAIN weight, Really?!?!
I try to get some sort of workout in most days, not always easy. If you've read previous blogs you'll understand that my life can get quite hectic.
I have an amazing hubby, he joined MFP with me in the new year. He had decided that he had got a bit big around the middle and also wanted to help and encourage me. He lost 50lb...........I mean, What The Hell!! I lost around a stone!! (14lb)!!
The unhappiness this all causes me is really starting to effect my everyday life now, I am barely functioning it makes me so sad.
Its also seriously damaging my health. I now take medication for......Diabetes, High Cholesterol, High BP and my depression.......
I am still a happy(ish) person underneath, and I will fight my way out of this, I have before. I'm fortunate that I have a very loving, if not slightly mad hubby, who's mission seems to be to make me laugh at least once a day!! Lucky girl
So, here it is, I do love a comment, and I would love you to let me know what has worked for you..........or what you think would work for me! On here, Twitter or FB.