Friday, September 07, 2012

Good and bad

Well my boys 1st week back in school is complete. I'm not going to pretend it was all sunshine and roses, those tinted glasses broke long ago. However, in comparison to how things have been in the past, it was a breeze! We've had the usual meltdowns about the normal stuff, but the actual going to school, was really good.

We now genuinely believe that the fact neither of my youngest has time to do anything, other than get ready, is a huge factor in this. My eldest is even enjoying it more now, as he's now ditched the lessons he hates.
I, however, have sunk quite low.  I'm not really sure of my purpose. I wrote a blog about it the other day, me time. This was all about what I've done for so long that the change was going to be hard.
Well guess is!!

As the first week draws to a close I feel lost, I feel lonely.
I've found things to do.....I've cleaned, I've read a little, I've also worked out a little.  However this is soon going to get boring.
People have suggested a part time job, but as most people who know my situation, know that this just isn't possible. How do I get a job that works around my hubby's ridiculous hours? Who rushes to the school if there's a situation with one of them? And if someone can find me a job that will allow me to do these things, then please do share!

My hubby, along with every one else I talk to, tell me to spend some time on me. I did that (kind of) today. I went and ordered some new glasses for myself! I was also mortified at spending that kind of money on me (it was £60 ffs!!).

I guess the problem is, that I now have time to reflect on myself............and I've never really liked what I see. You can tell me I'm a nice person, but the person that called me selfish just last week is going to shout louder in my head.
You can tell me I'm beautiful, but the kids that called me fat when I was younger have lost their volume button too.
I'm starting to sink a little in to the depression that has suffocated me before, and I really don't want to go there again.............but I'm really not sure what to do....

I will get out of this, I have before. Its just at the moment I'm not really sure of what to do or say, and its making me lonely.

Sorry for the whingy blog.....normal service will resume soon, I guess I just needed to get some of the real me out there.


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