Days like today are tough ones, but they are the reason I started a blog. I can put my honest feelings down without being accused of 'fishing for compliments'.
I'm actually not looking for compliments, or pick me ups. I'm always willing to accept advice, but that's it.
You see I have a really bad attitude towards my body, shape, face....you name it! I get compliments everyday, my hubby is forever telling me I'm stunning, or other similar words, and in his company I can genuinely believe him.
Away from him though, and in front of a mirror, I regularly cry. Its hard to feel like this all the time, and recently its been a million times worse. On new years day my hubby decided that he had gained too much weight, he was going to join Myfitnesspal with me, support me and lose with me.
We are now over 6months in, my hubby has lost over 50lb.........I've lost 16.
So now to go with all the other things I detest about myself, I now also feel inadequate.
I have tried everything since have my 3rd son. I've been through Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Slim fast..........I actually gained weight the week I tried that! I eat healthy and move quite a lot, at least as much as my youngest son allows as he's not a big fan of leaving the house.
People don't understand at all!! I feel sad all the time, and recently its been keeping me from nights out with friends, I find myself making excuses. I had my party last week, everyone all evening told me I looked lovely, but because I didn't have any photos, I couldn't believe them.......I couldn't see it for myself.
My hubby is being super supportive, but I don't think he understands. He had no problems losing what he'd gained. I'm still only 9lb lighter than when I had my 4 year old!
I don't know what response I'm expecting from this, I've honestly done it more for myself, to finally put in words, for the world to see, just how I really feel. If there is anyone who reads this that understands let me know. Either on here on twitter (xojox73).