Now, before everyone jumps down my throat, yes I know I have friends. However, most of them are now just on social media, it doesn't feel real anymore.
I've come to the realisation, particularly this past few weeks, that I don't really speak to many people anymore.....not REALLY talk.
I'm the person who likes to help. I'm the person you call when you need something, because if the one small thing I can do makes you happy, or makes your life easier in any small way, it makes me happy.
However, I'm not happy.
I know why it is, it's because I'm a 'carer', I've fallen into that category and didn't even realise. If the conversation isn't about bowel movements, meltdowns, food or disability, I don't know what to say. I don't really know what other people, 'normal' people, talk about any more. I'm not really up on current events, I'm not really available for social events, life is passing me by.
I speak to many people in passing, but it's not a real conversation, it's just small talk, passing time. People don't really want to know about my husbands disabilities, and how they have significantly impacted our life, I don't think people realise how disabled he is now. (apart from my wonderful parents, who are probably the only people who 'get' my life these days)
I never really realised how hard caring for someone you love, when they are in constant pain, was. My children have always been the way they are, although Ajax's needs are getting greater as he grows.
I'm so bloody tired, but I don't really have anyone to tell, because I don't have a person I can go to. I recently went out for a night and (I'm sorry girls), I didn't really enjoy myself. I was ready to come home by 9pm, but lasted til 10.
I hate that my life has changed this way. My favourite saying these days is:
IT IS WHAT IT IS.
Nothing is going to change, I guess I just wanted to explain myself a little. Maybe explain that sometimes you have no idea what's going on in people's lives, so if they seem ignorant maybe it's because they don't know what to say.
Particularly us parents of SEND children, or caring for those we love. We just lose touch with the real world so easily.