Saturday, November 19, 2016

Why I can't make 'friends' anymore:

Now, before everyone jumps down my throat, yes I know I have friends. However, most of them are now just on social media, it doesn't feel real anymore.

I've come to the realisation, particularly this past few weeks, that I don't really speak to many people anymore.....not REALLY talk.

I'm the person who likes to help. I'm the person you call when you need something, because if the one small thing I can do makes you happy, or makes your life easier in any small way, it makes me happy.

However, I'm not happy.
I'm lonely.

I know why it is, it's because I'm a 'carer', I've fallen into that category and didn't even realise. If the conversation isn't about bowel movements, meltdowns, food or disability, I don't know what to say. I don't really know what other people, 'normal' people, talk about any more. I'm not really up on current events, I'm not really available for social events, life is passing me by.

I speak to many people in passing, but it's not a real conversation, it's just small talk, passing time. People don't really want to know about my husbands disabilities, and how they have significantly impacted our life, I don't think people realise how disabled he is now. (apart from my wonderful parents, who are probably the only people who 'get' my life these days)

I never really realised how hard caring for someone you love, when they are in constant pain, was. My children have always been the way they are, although Ajax's needs are getting greater as he grows.

I'm so bloody tired, but I don't really have anyone to tell, because I don't have a person I can go to. I recently went out for a night and (I'm sorry girls), I didn't really enjoy myself. I was ready to come home by 9pm, but lasted til 10. 

I hate that my life has changed this way. My favourite saying these days is:

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

Nothing is going to change, I guess I just wanted to explain myself a little. Maybe explain that sometimes you have no idea what's going on in people's lives, so if they seem ignorant maybe it's because they don't know what to say.


Particularly us parents of SEND children, or caring for those we love. We just lose touch with the real world so easily.

7 comments:

  1. It's so easy as a carer to get out of the habit of talking about normal things, to no longer have entertaining stories to tell, to always be worried on a night out about the next morning, and when that will start, to never be able to relax and enjoy a phone conversation, because there's never enough time. It's very easy to not speak to friends in the real world, and it can be very hard to speak to them when you do meet them. You might want to really badly, but you're so tired, and overwhelmed and your head is full of stuff that you don't want to burden them with, so sometimes you even avoid them xx

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    1. That bit about not wanting to burden people is so true! I feel like I wasn't too vomit out every shitty thing that's happened x

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  2. Oh my love, are you getting any practical support from local charities or anything? You really need some breaks and support, you deserve a life that you love.
    Sending so much love xxx

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  3. Great post and one that lots of people need to hear. Lots of love and although I don't see you
    Enough I hope you can regard me as a friend and unburden whenever you
    Need too xxx

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  4. I am so sorry you feel that way but totally can relate where you are coming from x

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  5. Oh I'm so sorry to hear things feel like this for you at the moment. It can't be easy to feel like you've fallen out of the loop. I don't have any practical advice, but here with virtual hugs and I really hope things feel like they pick up soon xxx

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  6. Well what can I say? Hate to think of you lonely or unhappy. I think you probably underestimate just how many women feel this way and carers too. Your life is valuable and that does not change according to how much you know about current affairs. Many folks know all about those but nothing about real love like you do. Say what you feel and not just online and allow people to know and to support you. You have a loving family and I know my late Mum would say (which probably won't help) that God sends situations like yours to the very best people because he knows they will handle them and give 110 per cent. Also, you will have helped so many with your honesty in this post.

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I do love comments and read them all, please be nice and tboughful to others x