Monday, April 18, 2016

What's wrong with you?

I've been feeling incredibly sad lately. Not depressed, just sad. I've never been a 'positive mental attitude' type person, as it is, but lately I've felt worse.

I feel like luck is against me.

You would probably think I was talking through my ass, if you were around me. I have a nice, shiny, new car. I have a hubby who seems to adore me, and children who make me smile. 

I just can't shift this feeling that it will all go wrong soon!

My health is playing a big part in this, I think. I had another blood test, last week, followed quickly by a phone call. I now have to take even more iron. This means I'm still taking 3 iron tablets a day, just now a higher dose. 

I can't help wondering why? Why is no one caring about what's causing my lack of everything?? I have to take 13 tablets and 1 injection per day, and 2 ampules of vitamin D a month. But I'm still tired!

Yesterday I managed to get my 2 youngest boys out of the house, this is a huge success for me and Mr. Ojo. Within minutes of getting to Brecon National Park, we remembered why we don't take them far! They were hard work. Still, we persevered and got them out walking a little. I'm very glad we did, because we laughed so hard, and they want to go again. I'm hoping they still feel like this next weekend.

However, I got home, went to bed........and woke in the middle of the night with horrific pain in my left hip (which, annoyingly, is my GOOD hip!? The other hasn't been right since giving birth to my eldest)

Today I had to take my youngest to school using a walking stick, I would've fallen if I hadn't. I have barely moved all day, and am in pain when I do. 

When does it stop?
Is it just because I am getting old (I'm 42)?

It's taken me 3 weeks to recover from the fall I had, I was finally going back to Zumba tonight! Obviously not now, now I don't know when, or even if I'll be going back.

As for being social, I honestly don't want to see anyone. I am not a sharer in real life, I don't like opening up face to face, it's why I started this blog in the first place.

So I'm sorry if I'm dumping on you (again), my lovely readers, but you are all I have. I don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking to, I just tap it out here, and I feel better.

I know that the response to this will be lots of love and hugs sent. Believe me I appreciate it, just don't expect me to open up in real life!

Unusually for me, I don't want cwtchs. I just want to hide away until the latest round of crap I'm going through passes.

I know it's probably the totally wrong thing to do, but it's my way.

5 comments:

  1. I think we all have periods of time like this. I went to the Doctors a while ago and said pretty much the same thing...I have a lovely husband with a good job, 2 good kids, a nice home...so why am I so fed up? I didn't feel depressed, but like you...sad. I don't think this rotten old weather helps. Maybe you are suffering with Seasonal Affective Disorder? My sister suffers from that. She bought a lamp and does try and get into daylight for a little while each day. I'm sure it'll be fine. Roll on a it of sunshine eh?

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  2. Sending big hugs! I don't care of you don't want one I'm sending it. hehehe
    I wasn't feeling too well a couple of weeks ago. Feeling tired and drained and my mood was awful. I realised when your body is feeling bad so is your mood.
    I hope this passes for you soon and you feel a little happier. xxx

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  3. We all feel shite from time to time with no explanation. I find trawling through a box set of my fave show and doing nowt helps me. You mention you get a lot of pain and as you say it is part of the problem. As Mrs Branch has said, summer is coming (honest) and nothing is a crap when the sun is shining. Sending you loads of good vibes.

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  4. So sorry you feel like this - and I know that the shiny new car doesn't take away the pain in your hip, or the other challenges in your life. And, like you, I'd rather write up my problems on my blog and hide away in real life: hope it helps xx

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  5. It doesn't matter if everything else is going great and you know how lucky you really are you're totally entitle to feel the way you do. God knows I've been going on and on about my teeth but they hurt and thus so upsetting me, changing my mood my outlook despite things bring in general really good! When you feel shit it sucks you down, I don't have any advice other than be kind to yourself, and perhaps try some other doctors! Xx

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