Saturday, April 09, 2016

Thoughts and Ponderings: Bodies

I'm writing this post, while Mr. Ojo takes a soak in the bath. We are away for the weekend, staying in a Premier Inn, being as lazy as physically possible. It's been a rough couple of months in Ojo's world. Between little A's toileting issues, as well as his autism, biggest teens anxiety issues, in fact the easiest child has been RJ! He's totally chilled lately.

That's not what this post is about though.

I love Premier Inn, it's good value yet still feels slightly luxurious (particularly if you're on the poor side, like us). The only down side to the rooms, is the amount of mirrors! My self esteem, and personal issues with my body, have taken a total battering this weekend.

Then, I wake up this morning, and take a peak at Facebook. I see the post about Iskra Lawrence (click her name, to go to her IG profile), having a go at the fat shamers. They are calling her fat!? It makes me want to cry!

I think I may have, finally, fallen in to the category of obese, I may not be morbidly obese anymore. This does not make me hate my body any less.

You will NEVER see a bikini shot of me, in fact you won't see a full bathing costume shot of me. If I'm perfectly honest, you won't even see me in shorts and a vest top! I am not proud of my body, I have never been 'slim', even at my smallest I was always curvy. I was a chubby child that grew into a fat adult!

Chubby child:

I've pixilated out my aunt and cousin
as I didn't ask them if I could use their image!

Fat adult:

These are actually comparison pictures I took, from Jan 16 to this week (beginning of April 16). My scales say I've lost 2 stone, I can't see the difference.
This has nothing to do with the media, nothing to do with perfect images that they portray. This is about ME. Then you see an utterly gorgeous woman, fat shamed, it just makes me want to hide.

Yesterday, as a treat, we went to a American 'fries and shakes' style diner. It was delicious. Then we come back to the room to relax, I walked into the bathroom and just wanted to sob at what I saw in the giant mirror in there.

Stop fat shaming people!
 You have no idea how they actually feel about their own bodies?! 
And how am I supposed to make changes when I am too embarrassed to go to a gym? 
Too embarrassed to wear a swimming costume? 
I learnt to ride a bike last year, but I'm to mortified to go anywhere and wobble around with my fat ass, because I know it would make people laugh.

I am a strong confident women, in every area of my life, apart from this one. I know who I am, how intelligent I can be and that, mostly, I make the right choices.

The next time you think of looking at someone and thinking how fat/ugly/skinny they are, just keep it to yourself!

I would love to get some love on this post, maybe a share or a comment? This post is really heartfelt xx

4 comments:

  1. The scales are not lying you can see a difference for sure. You are doing so well but in the same token the world is not meant to be all the same size. Everyone is different and beating yourself up about it is never going to be a good thing.

    You posts and photo's say you are on the journey that you want to be on. There are always people who are going to make people feel crap but the real truth is that 99% of the time they are doing it because they themselves feel some short fall. Let them deal with that because letting someone make you feel bad because they feel crap is never going to help you xxx

    Glad you had a break and this year I think has kicked off as a bit of an effort for us all. Keep your chin up Mrs and think about getting on that bike again, you were so chuffed when you did last year I remember xxx

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  2. I can see the difference. Well done, it's taken me a year to lose 2 stone :-)
    Weirdly, I think, I feel better naked. No clothes digging in, redistributing fat elsewhere. I'd rather post a nude that a dressed pic! Lol
    Take your time finding you, just remember you are beautiful along the way. That body brought you kids into the world.

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  3. I can see the difference. Well done, it's taken me a year to lose 2 stone :-)
    Weirdly, I think, I feel better naked. No clothes digging in, redistributing fat elsewhere. I'd rather post a nude that a dressed pic! Lol
    Take your time finding you, just remember you are beautiful along the way. That body brought you kids into the world.

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  4. I'm glad you are managing a break away! You deserve it!
    I think you are looking fab! I can see a difference even if you can't!
    Keep your chin up lovely! You are doing great x

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