Tuesday, June 30, 2015

What would you do?

Do you know you often make me cry? That sometimes I stay in bed, in the morning, until you're gone?

You can't help your temper, I know.

When you say I'm a bad mother, I just have to take a deep breath, and leave it there.

Your words hurt so much, but I hide the pain from you, it's not your fault.

I know I'm lucky that you haven't hit me. So far you just take it out on the furniture, the walls, and all too often, yourself. But at least it's not me...........right?

I wonder if it will happen one day, it scares me a little, but I know that, even then, it won't be your fault.

If I'm in a mood, you even turn that around, to be about you, so I feel guilty.

Days out, or meals out, have to be planned so that you are happy. It's too hard if you're not.

Right now, reader, you are screaming at me to leave him, aren't you?

However, I have the most loving, gentle giant, of a husband you would ever have the pleasure of meeting.

No, I'm talking about my 12 year old son, with high functioning autism.

Now what do you say?

5 comments:

  1. It's a tough one because he needs you and a mother's love is unconditional so of course you put up with it. And that's probably why my mother took my 26yr old brother punching her in the head several times. But when does it change from a mother's love to domestic abuse?

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    1. It's terrifying how quickly it can descend into violence. I'm hoping this doesn't happen here x

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  2. It's the one facet of autism that we're not supposed to mention, except quietly in dark corners where no-one can hear xxxx

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    1. So many things should be talked about though! We shouldn't be afraid x

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  3. I say you are a great mum. I say you are brave to be open and honest. I say I am proud to know you. I say you are stronger than you know. I say part of that strength is seeking support. I say all members of your family are very blessed indeed

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I do love comments and read them all, please be nice and tboughful to others x