Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Feeling Melancholy

This is another of those posts that start with a disclaimer:

I am NOT depressed, or even slightly down in ANY way.
In fact, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.

I get like this, every year, as my birthday comes close. Melancholy sums it up, or reflective, or thoughtful.

I seem to look back at how things have changed, who I am now?

Everything has changed a lot, in this past year. I think this year I've changed more than ever before. 

I've had to become a MUCH stronger person. Physically, mentally and emotionally. The increasing worries about my husbands health, and well being, have meant I need to do more. I have to take care of the physical things that he always did. 

I also have to be fit, to look after my children, as they grow. Little A is getting bigger every day, but his needs haven't greatly changed, I still have to be there to catch him, if I see him running towards danger.

I wonder how I got to here?
Where did this stronger, more confident, more able, woman come from?

I've grown this woman, inside me
She has been born from the struggles of the last year.

I am happy. Although my husband is now physically less able, he is still my best friend. This means I now have my best friend at home with me, all the time!

My children still depend on me far too much. However (and don't tell them this) I wouldn't have it any other way. They fly the nest quick enough, let them be mine for now.

So, that's me, at (a week off) 42. Stronger and more capable than I ever realised I could be.

And absolutely loving it.


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