Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Hello x

Hi.

I've been gone.

I've been struggling.

Some of you noticed, and sent me messages.

For that, I cannot express how grateful I am.

In fact, the support I had is probably the reason I'm writing.

I woke up today and the urge to write was there.

The problem is, what to write?

Do I tell you why I went offline? 
I'm not sure, I just wanted to hide. 

I had to fake smiles for the school yard, not always successfully. Yesterday I rushed from the school in tears, I couldn't stop them.

I'd had a tough morning with little A, when he eventually got taken into class, I couldn't hold it in.

The voice in my head telling me I was a useless parent.

That's the other thing.

The Voice.

The one that is constantly telling me 'the truth'.

Tells me my husband doesn't find me attractive, that he's with me out of pity.

Telling me that I look shit, even when I put on some make up.
I'll think I look ok, then that little voice tells me how I really look.

I hate that voice.

I'm usually able to shut it out. 
I listen to others, instead of the voice.

But the last couple of weeks the voice got too loud.

That's where I've been.

Hiding with the voice.

But now it's getting quiet again.
I'm winning.

Thanks to you, for helping me.

What you have given me is more precious than diamond 

10 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you've been feeling low Jo :( I hope you keep that voice well away it's spiteful and cruel you're none of the things it tells you are. I too have been crawling out of a rather dark pit and helping a friend with a few problems, forgive me for not noticing your absence I hope you're ok sending you hugs xxx

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  2. So glad the voice is getting quiet again, I hope it vanishes completely soon xx

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  3. Glad you're back & let me tell you missus that the voice is a knob head, don't you listen to it anymore & when it gets loud remember we all think you rock!

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  4. Have read this a few times now and sorry for the delay in commenting. I missed you lots and knew you would come back. You know what is going on with you of course - you are a very bright, intelligent and self-aware woman who I am proud to know.
    Great to have you back. Blog only when you feel like it. Ease up on the negative self-talk - that type of thing.

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  5. Hey lovely, glad you are winning over the voice. I hate that inner voice that talks shit, I have one of those too. Wishign you a joyful weekend. Mich x

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  6. I hope that you are getting some help re that voice. xx

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  7. glad you didn't feel alone, I had wondered why you weren't in the hop x

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I do love comments and read them all, please be nice and tboughful to others x