Saturday, May 24, 2014

Friendship

What do friends, and friendship, mean to you?

This niggling thing has been playing on my mind lately, and I don't know how I feel about it. So I thought I would write my feelings down on here.

You see, I don't think I have friends. Not real 'Tell each other everything' type of friends. I had one in school, her name was Caroline, I actually moved in with her and her mum, when I left school!
But with lives taking different paths, like they do, we don't have that relationship anymore. We still speak, and I still think she's lovely, but our lives are too different to get back what we had.

I have people I speak to, mostly through facebook, I guess they are friends. I used to like going out with most of them, these days I'd rather stay home though. That means that those friendships have dwindled.

I had friends I made in work, but when I left contact became less and less.

Maybe what I am missing is a 'Best' friend. 
Do you still have those as grown ups? The closest I have is my hubby, who I love dearly, but I still don't open up about all things to him. I can't tell him, if it's him pissing me off!

Mostly, I only speak to people through social media these days. People that I have never met, have become my friends. However, those that I have met (at a blogging conference), I shied away from. When it came to the evening, when everyone else made plans for meals and drinks, I happily went back to my hotel room with munchies, alcohol and Bones on sky player. (I will probably do the sane again this year).

I wonder if people understand me?
 I'm far from shy, yet I shy away from being in public places.
I love to dance, but rarely accept offers of nights out.

Maybe I don't understand myself, and that's the problem. I have been a wife since my teen years and a mum since my early/mid twenties. So that's what I know, not exactly riveting conversation is it? 
Now, being a stay at home mum, friends are even harder to open up to. I have tried, but when I did, I discovered, that person thought I had it easy! It's left me wondering if that's what everybody thinks of me!? 

I find myself feeling jealous of friendships, that I see forming around me. But then wonder if I would want someone around me that much? Would I get on their nerves?

What do you think of friendship? What does it actually mean to you? I'm really not sure what I should expect from it, so would love opinions from others. 

7 comments:

  1. I understand where you're coming from Jo. I married when I was 18, had 2 children within 2 years and friendships have dwindled, mainly due to being on different paths not due to anything bad happening, my husband is my best friend (as it should be in my opinion) I have a couple of friends who I'll have coffee with but that's it. It's not since school that I've had a best friend, do everything together type of friend & I don't think I ever will. Do I miss having 'friends', some days yes, some days no.

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    1. That's exactly how I feel! I wonder am I really missing anything? xx

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  2. Oh gosh I feel the same right now. I am so lonely and feel so rubbish it's unreal. I haven't had friends in real life for ages and I do try. I go to groups I've tried to reconnect with old friends made new ones but no one else makes the effort, two just stopped talking to me, one took advantage of me so I had to limit contact now we just say hello. My best friend is my hubby if course I have several others Kat and my friend but she lives even further than her in Cambridge! I'm really quite alone sometimes I don't help I don't like pubs and clubs and drinking it seems to be the only way to socialise these days I can't help if I hate those situations...yeah I'm a bit lost atm!xx

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    1. You seem like someone that needs that one friend, and I hope you find it soon. I'm so tired of friends thinking they are better than me. I'd rather twitter and bloggy friends (like you) xx

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  3. I only have one person who I would properly call a friend and we do go to things together fairly regularly, but I don't have anyone that I can just go for a coffee with. I'm not anti-social, but being a SAHM has definitely limited who I have met.

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    1. I think it does, doesn't it. Since being a SAHM I socialize less and less xx

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  4. I haven't had a proper friend in years...I find people treat each other as disposable when something/someone better/more interesting comes along and loyalty means nothing. I take great comfort in my online community (my family would say too much!) but, when most people in real life turn out to be a bit cr@p it's the best way to be for me. The last time I had a 'best' friend I found her in bed with my ex-husband, things got awkward to say the least!! Thank heavens for t'interweb ;) x

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