Saturday, March 22, 2014

Neuropathic pain

That is it. Those 2 words were heard today. Originally, not really taken much notice of.
They were said in a conversation with the Dr. He didn't say it like it was a big deal, probably thought I had heard it before. I had been to him previously about the constant pain. Last time I got told it was nerve related, got sent to physio, who them prescribed pain killers. The pain killers were actually anti depressant  but, taken in low doses, they are effective for nerve pain.

Unfortunately, thanks to being a mum, I struggled to make the appointments. There was always something going on, and if you cancel twice, they don't give you another. I took the tablets, you could go up to 5 a day. I was up to 4 and if was having some effect. Unfortunately it was making me very drowsy all the time, it was also numbing a lot of other sensations.

So I ended up not really doing anything. For a while the pain was manageable, but the last month or so it has got gradually worse. Which was why I was back at the doctors.

When he said neuropathy, it was after he had done the reflex test. There isn't one in my right knee..........nothing at all. Again, I didn't think anything of it.

Then we discussed my need to go back to physiotherapy. I should be able to now. The teen is old enough to pick up little A and hubby has better shifts. Then he discussed meds. I think I realised, from his tone, that NOT taking meds wasn't an option. I really don't want to go back to the previous ones, so new ones were prescribed. I start on the lower dies, then they will be built up, until they work.

So that was it. Doctor appointment over with and home I go. Still in pain, I'm always in pain.

After lunch the word neuropathic crept into the front of my mind..........so I googled it.

Basically, I am always going to be in pain, unless I take medication.
My life is, from now on, always associated with pain.

I have been in pain for a while now. Every school run, every shopping trip, every smile, has been in pain.

That is what he rest of my life is going to be.

Do I feel sorry for myself? Well yes actually!!
I am allowing myself a day or two of self pity. I have cried so much. Every time I think about being in this much pain (I can't get comfy typing this, because I have constant shooting pains down my leg) I cry.

Just allow me the weekend, allow my wallowing self pity. I will get on with it from Monday, when I have to do the school run again.

For now though, I'm just going to feel sorry for myself.

13 comments:

  1. I'm not surprised you were feeling sorry for yourself. Hubby's just found out he may have Carpel Tunnel which is bad enough, but he's pretty fed up too. I think it's just a way of getting your head around information. Hopefully you'll get the right meds and it will help alleviate it a bit.

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    1. Hopefully. But its not a certainty that anything will work xx

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  2. I am so sorry to read that you have a problem with chronic pain like me. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2012 and I am still trying to get my head around the fact that I will never quite be the same again. Though our conditions will effect the quality of our lives they will not kill us and for that we are luckier than many others. We are entitled to feel down, many will not understand as our pain is not visible to them. I know what you are going through and am available for chats if you would like. (((((gentle hugs))))))) x

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    1. You are welcome, I want you to know you are not alone (as isolated as you may feel) xxx

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  3. Chronic pain is an appalling vista, I experienced it for a year in my late 20s, due to stress (again) and then it miraculously vanished. I was also friendly with a woman who lived with constant pain as a result of a bad car crash. It was horrendous, but she continued to live and enjoy a full life. Many people do find ways to cope with it though and I hope you do too xx

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    1. I will, I think I just needed a couple of days wallowing 1st xx

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  4. Jo, you are allowed to have a few days wallowing, it is a big thing to take in. I have chronic pain and the next steps for me,in terms of pain relief, is nerve numbing pain relief, sounds similar to what you have been described. With Harry being not even 4 years old yet (and my only child) I have really struggled (and still do at times) to come to terms with it. You know where I am and there are a fair few of us who can relate. But first, grieve because actually, there IS an element of grief; for the life you have lost, the future you won't have etc but you can still do so much. xx

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    1. Ah sweetheart, I wanted to talk to you last night. I had the feeling you would 'get' this. I just didn't want dump my pity party on anyone.
      thank you so much xx

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  5. I think you are definitely allowed to feel sorry for yourself, I will even share my biscuits with you on this occassion! Ask to be referred to a pain clinic, they are excellent at teaching ways to learn to live with/cope with/reduce pain levels while sometimes allowing you to lower pain med dosages too. Xxxx

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    1. Thank you, I think the shock of you sharing your biscuits might take my mind of it for a few minutes! xx

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  6. Oh Jo sending you huge hugs a lot of love. Of course you can feel like this it's a lot to take in, you have some lovely comments above from people who are in the know, I hope they can offer you comfort and your GP will provide you with long term support. Much love to you xxx

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    1. Thank you Hannah, you bloggers are amazing, really got a lump in my throat from all the support xx

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