Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Tis the Season to be......?

I shall start this post with an apology. It may come across like a moan, like I hate Christmas. I truly do not.

I love Christmas, I love everything about it. I love decorating the house, I love the lights in all the windows. I even love the cooking and baking that goes in to Christmas day! I make a Christmas Cake every year, even though I don't actually like it! I make a Chocolate log, because the boys love it. My husband and I love doing the Christmas roast together. I enjoy it all.

When you read on, remember that.

Because, you see, having children who's needs are a little different means my Christmas has to be. I am a firm believer that I should not try to change my children, I should change the situation. There are things that I miss out on because of this. 

I don't hate Christmas, but at Christmas........I hate Autism.

My son is not Autism, he is my son, my baby boy. Autism is what he has. It means that he struggles with the things you and I class as 'tradition'. Yesterday he went to a Panto with my husband, it was supposed to be me, but my house has been afflicted with a lovely sickness bug. It is a good job really, as I cannot carry my son any longer, he is almost 6 now, and getting quite tall. He would not go in initially, it was too loud. Then my hubby managed to carry him in, just as flashing lights etc were going off! So straight back out he went. 

He did eventually enjoy the show, but by running back and forth at the back of the auditorium (stimming), with my hubby sat on the side watching him. He came home and spent most of the night hiding under a blanket, with an iPad. He'd had enough 'social' time.

This reaction is the same for everything. I wanted to go to the Winter Wonderland in Cardiff, but I can't. I've been to the city without him, and there is no way he could cope with that many people and that much noise. 

I avoid Christmas parties, we did manage a little birthday party on the weekend. It was a family party and, as there are other children with Autism in the family, it went well. It wasn't too noisy or dark, there weren't too many children. However, when a full sized Mickey and Minnie Mouse walked in, he dived to our table, and didn't leave again. Then he wanted to leave. So what's the point?

Then there is the actual day. I can't buy too much, it will end up being too overwhelming, and not just for little A, RJ struggles with it. If the presents are not right, I will be told. I will never forget the year RJ told me that Santa didn't know him very well! (After I had been very careful to buy from his Christmas list). That Christmas has scarred me for life. And gawd help us if a toy is doubled up by someone else, because they will say, quite abruptly, no awareness that offence may be caused.

I read all the status' on facebook etc, about how people have so much going on, how much fun their children are having. My children are having fun........just the same as every other day.

I however, want to have fun. I want to go ice skating. I want to go to Panto's and Christmas parties.
But I won't, because I can change.......

MY BOYS CAN'T 

x OJO x

12 comments:

  1. it gets easier as they get older hun we didnt used to see jake xmas day he would hide away up in his room,he has gt a million times better as hes gt older he now loves christmas and still believes in santa he wont go to pantos or crowded places we dnt take him shopping through xmas time,he wont sit in his school play still for long and crys every xmas morning birthday morning as he dnt no how to deal with having lots of gifts,hang in there hun xx

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    1. Thank you for the comment Nic. Rarely people realise how different our Christmas is xx

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  2. I'm one of the many people who haven't stopped to think how others have to celebrate. My son is very shy of new situations so we tend to avoid crowds but this year he did enjoy seeing our local lights being switched on. I hope you enjoy being together this Christmas, that's the most important thing x

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    1. We will have a wonderful Xmas, just in our own way :-) x

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  3. That was a real eye-opener of a post. I often think of people who are homeless or without family at this time of year, but there are so many tricky situations, and as you say, you can change and make the Christmas that your boy needs right now. I hope that you do enjoy it and that it does get easier as Nicola said above. I hope my words are not clumsy, I just wish you and yours a peaceful happy time. #PoCoLo

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    1. Not clumsy at all, I appreciate that you read and understood.
      Thank you xx

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  4. This is understandably hard for you - my sister has a similar situation with my nephew. I hope you do have a wonderful Christmas with your family. Thank you for supporting PoCoLo this year x

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    1. Now school has finished, things gave calmed down a little, and all is happy x

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  5. We didn't do very much in the way of pre Christmas festivities either, but Christmas Day went better than expected with our 2.5 year old son, who is on the spectrum too xx

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  6. I have read so many posts on this subject and it is amazing to see how different everyone's Christmasses are, but they are still special family times however your children need to spend them. I'm sure things will alter as they grow and find new strategies. Thank you for linking to Britmums Special Needs round-up

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I do love comments and try to answer most, please be nice xx

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