Saturday, September 21, 2013

Failure (ish)

Yesterday I hit a blip, a very very VERY big blip.

I had a bit of a relapse to the old me, the binge eating, no confidence me.  Boy did it knock me sideways!! 

I ate double the quantity of everything I was supposed to eat! I ate a huge bowl of cereal. I had 2 chicken kievs with chips for lunch. Then I are the ultimate failure.....

I had a takeaway.

I had chips and sausage in batter and curry sauce. I didn't even really enjoy it.

I had been feeling sad and inadequate all day, it's what started the binge. When I can't control my feelings, I turn to food.

It's something difficult to explain. I know what is healthy, I know how to lose weight. Then my feelings take over and I eat and eat. It's like beating myself up with food. I am punishing myself. That's the only way to describe it.

HOWEVER...

I am making improvements, just little ones, but they are there. You see, normally when I do this, I would hide it away, ashamed of the calories I had consumed, but this time I didn't! 

I took a screen shot of my, honestly, filled in diet sheet.........and I posted it across the social networks I belong to. This is it: 


I had done something wrong, I needed help, so I reached out and got it. I am forever grateful to my unseen friends all over the world. You have supported me in a way very few would understand. I am eternally grateful. Because today I understand that I failed, but it's ok. 
Today I got on with it. 

Yesterday I couldn't even write a post on here. I didn't think I was good enough, I felt like I wasn't enough or as good as others. Today, I realise that I am no better or worse, I am me. I write because it frees my mind.

Yesterday is gone. I reached out and realised, the people in my computer and on my phone, are among some of the best friends I've ever had.

Today I realised, I AM getting better, because I dealt with yesterday, and moved on.

x Ojo x


2 comments:

  1. What an amazing lady you are. We all have days when we feel like that, but it's only the very brave that face it, and do something about it. And that's you. I'm so pleased you have moved on from it. Chalk it up to experience, today and tomorrow are another day. Much love xx

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  2. Aww Hun, well done to you for your honesty, to yourself and others, that's very brave.
    Just remember its one day out of the rest of your life. At my last Slimming World group one of the girls gave me a great saying when I had a massive binge, I'm a comfort eater.

    You wouldn't throw out a bunch of flowers because one flower had died.

    Helped me feel better :-)
    Good luck xx

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