I wrote a post tonight, I have sought advice from my husband and best friend.......and decided not to publish, yet.
Yesterday I wrote a letter to me. It was really cathartic, helped me get my head straight. It lead me to think of another relationship in my life. This particular relationship has been fractious for a very long time.
It has effected every part of my life. My relationships, my self worth.....everything.
The problem with posting the post is the backlash, and there will be a big one.
I am not strong enough to deal with it. I am not a strong person full stop. Whenever I say something that seems needy I will get private comments telling me I'm selfish etc. I take those to heart, and find it really difficult to get over.
I can't hold grudges, so even if someone has upset me deeply, I will be the first to make up the relationship. I can't be the reason someone is upset, I can't be the bad guy, I simply can't cope!
Of course there will only be fallout, if the person actually reads it, which in itself is very doubtful. You know recently I managed to get 3 articles published.
Not one of my family members told me they were proud.
My mum came the closest, she told me it was OK. That is just my mum though, she's not the most emotional person. She does love me though, and apparently had told everyone she knew!
Don't think I am including my hubby, he couldn't tell me enough how proud he was, he wants me to do more. Which I will, once an idea of what to write forms. Even when I am writing my posts on here I don't write a few in advance, these are written, proof read and published. Just like that. That way I know that I will always write the truth..........and from the heart.
Back to the original post, I will publish it, one day. I feel a little better for writing it, but especially for 2 people who's opinion I value, to have read it.