Monday, March 11, 2013

dilemma..

I have written about my problems getting little A to school, I have written about his autism. But I rarely write about what it does to us, as parents.

Today was a hard day.

The last time little A went to school was 5 days ago, last Wednesday. I have found it difficult to talk/think about that day. He came out of school with a look that was close to trauma. I know he has been quite ill, but it was heartbreaking to see him. He was pale, barely walking or talking.
The worst part is what he had in his hand. You remember the old fashioned butter knives, they were blunt but quite large, well thats what he was carrying. No one knows where he found it, when I finally got him to use words he said he'd found it on floor. In all honesty, the teachers were as shocked as me.

Me and my eldest got him home, very slowly. I couldn't get him to school for the last 2 days, and quite frankly I didn't want him to go. He barely left his room for a couple of days, not coming down until around 2pm! He ate, played, and watched t.v. up there.

Today my hubby started work late. He is always more able to get little one to school, he is more physically able to carry little A. He got him to school, but went in with him. Little A didn't want to be left, and was begging my hubby not to go. One of the teachers, that A has always liked, took him off to show him something and my hubby sneaked out.

By the time hubby at got home to me he was a mess. He had basically taken his son somewhere he didn't want to be, then abandoned him. He is not home til after bedtime. So basically in little A's eyes, his father abandoned him, and won't even be there to pick him back up. Now this is not how little one will really feel, but this is how my hubby felt. He was absolutely heartbroken. Its not good seeing a grown man cry.

I have been quite vocal about my good relationship with the school, and again this was proved. About half an hour after school started, his teacher called to let us know that he was ok. Yes, this did make the hubby feel better, but it doesn't help our long term problem.

You see little A is only getting 7.5 hours a week(!) 1-2-1 time. Because he is good at 'masking' his issues in school, this seems enough.
However.....
Firstly: 5 of those hours would be lost by lunchtime, if it hadn't been for the head teacher making alternative arrangements
Secondly: There is no one to turn to, to ask for more help.

So this would bring me to the dilemma.
What do I do next?
If I keep sending him like this he is likely to revert back to old behaviours.
Do I look for a school with less children?
Do I fight for more hours in his current school?
I don't know what to do?!?!

I do know that the situation cannot stay the same. It is affecting our family to much.
The only time I have seen my hubby breakdown and actually cry was at each childs birth and his fathers passing.

I would rather not see it again.......

4 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie pops, how bloody scary to him with a knife, what the hell?!

    I'll admit to know having a clue as to what you should / can do, but I would suggest working on all angles, encourage him to go to school but obviously if its causing too much distress then probably not ideal to force the issue. The other ideas; asking for increased 1-2-1 and looking at other schools, do it, it won't hurt.

    I wish I knew more about the whole thing to offer proper advice!

    ReplyDelete
  2. jkae only has 10 hours a week hun and hes 9 thats max he can have after that its special school.i wish id put him in a different school that know more about asd i have no faith in the school at all.jake went to ynysddu neutre class for a year and omg he was a different child he abs loved it 5-6 kids in the class teachers r brilliant and they learn through play and then have assembley etc with main school unfortunetly jake ''outgrew'' the class i would love him to go to a school like that all the time but am yet to find 1.its heartbreaking when jake wont go in school,i really hope u make the right decision for your family hun but cefn dont get better they aint gt the time or staff to deal with our special lil boys good luck and stay strong hun x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sorry to hear this.
    Do you think that with the extra hours this is the right school to meet his needs? Will they help you fight for the needs?
    Seems it is a difficult time for schooling at the moment.
    Is there anyone you can speak to? A local support group? ASD helpline? Parent partnership?
    Best of luck with it all.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is a tricky situation isn't it. Can you raise your cencerns at a TAC meeting. Perhaps another school could meet his needs better? I guess all our children are facing these cutbacks and changes right now and it's hard to know what the answers are.
    Hayley

    ReplyDelete

I do love comments and read them all, please be nice and tboughful to others x