Wednesday, January 18, 2017

The New Year, so far..

As we saw in 2017, I wrote a post. It was called 'New Year, New Me', 3 weeks in I thought I would do an update.

Why so soon? Because January has to be the longest, dullest, greyest month of the year! It can't just be me who thinks that, surely? Which is why I feel it's harder to maintain your goals this time of the year.

I'm succeeding in mine, so far. My diary is filling up with appointments for Ajax, places I need to be, etc. However, this year it's also filling with things I want to do too. I've been to see a comedy show, I'm also off to see The Play That goes Wrong soon. I want to try and schedule in coffee with friends too, some of which I haven't seen for months, so that's next on my agenda in the coming weeks.

Food wise, it's a bit of a struggle, money is a bit tight at the moment. Where people get the idea that living on benefits is a walk in the park, I have no idea!? I am struggling, but my boys come first. As the 2 youngest have limited diets, I tend to plan around them and make sure the cupboards are full for them first. However, thanks to discount supermarkets like Aldi, I can throw together a mean curry for very few pennies!

I am still going to have to learn to give myself more time, allow myself to be tired sometimes. Although I am trying to work out most days, yes that does include being back at the gym & Zumba, I have successfully achieved both of those things so far. It's irregular, sometimes life just gets too busy, but it's happening.

Health wise, I've admitted I'm struggling, so a doctors visit was had today, more blood tests have been requested, so I'm expecting a change to my diabetes meds again and more iron tablets.

What more can I say?
Life is busy, but I'm trying my best.
Did you make any resolutions? Have you stuck to them?

Finally, I wish we could all live life according to this sign:

Monday, January 16, 2017

When reality bites

There are two things that have really smacked me in the mouth, the past few months. No.1 is that I now own a 19 year old.......and one that is ready to leave home. Secondly, I come to realise how hard it is, without his support.

Let's embellish:

After a bit of a difficult year, regarding his mental health (I'm not going in to details, it's his to tell), my eldest has decided to apply for University. It's so hard watching him, patiently, waiting for the decision on his application! 

I thought, as he was going to Cardiff Uni, which is not too far from home, that he would stay at home. 

He has decided to move out. He isn't even looking at student housing, more rental properties outside the city. The boy he wants to share with isn't going to Uni, he is working, so student housing isn't suitable. The thing is, this means he's not coming back........My baby is ready to fly the nest.

I've only just got used to him shaving!?

The 2 youngest are (very) slowly coming around to the idea, but only because they'll get a bigger bedroom out of it! (I'm going to do some manoeuvring, not renovation). 

Then this weekend we had some shopping days, and I've realised just how hard it is when he doesn't come with us.

Saturday wasn't awful, just tiring. Ajax has discovered Pokemon Go, this is a good thing because he's actually asking to leave the house! Unfortunately, the only way he could do a long walk, and cope with people, was to go in his wheelchair. I live in a very hilly area...........ugh
My thighs and butt feel like I've done 1000 squats!

Then yesterday (Sunday) we went into Cardiff city centre, to spend some of RJ's birthday money. We would normally go as a family, but biggest was working last night, so was left in bed. By the time we had done 2hrs in Cardiff, my head was fried!

Let's break this down for you: I have one child that is autistic, and doesn't have the strongest legs. He goes in a wheelchair, which is down to me to push. 

My RJ has high functioning autism, which means he has no patience and has to do everything at 100mph. If things aren't going EXACTLY his way, expect all kinds of hell to rain down on you. 

Add to this, they both talk non stop, with no consideration for any one else talking, including each other.

Then there's my darling Mr. Ojo. He now struggles to walk too much, and when he does it has to be slowly. Oh, and he also has difficulty hearing!

Can you imagine what a day out like that is like?

I know my biggest has to spread his wings, but boy am I going to miss him. 
In fact, his life is so busy I'm already missing him!

However, the one big advantage of going to Cardiff, is seeing my favourite building and getting some pictures:

City Hall

Isn't it spectacular?

Friday, December 30, 2016

New Year, New Me?

I have read so much negativity regarding the 'New year, New me' resolution, this season on social media. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a part of it, but I don't complain about those that's their life, surely?

However, this year I'm wondering if it's worth a go. I've never done it before, and this year has been a big fat fail, regarding my health/wellness.

My mental health has suffered a big dip, I'm in a real funk that I can't shake. My anxiety has gone through the roof, this past year, too. I'm scared to leave the house, not because of fear for myself, but for those I love. Last year Mr. Ojo had a fall in the bath, which has taken a year to recover from. He stumbles sometimes, around the house, as his knee gives up. What if I'm not here when it happens? Who's going to catch him??

Then there's Ajax, I'm up the school 4 times a day, as he comes home for lunch. I worry about him being on the yard at lunch time, there's only 4 dinner ladies and I don't think they are trained to deal with special needs, it just leaves me too nervous. He's a wanderer, what if he wanders out of the gate? Then there's the toileting issue, he's now doubly incontinent and won't let anyone change him, except me and Mr. Ojo, so I have to be nearby in case of bigger accidents.

All this has led to me leading a very insular life, I live simply for my family.........I forgotten how to live for me.

So this year will be a new me! I'm going to focus on my fitness again. As the year has gone on, I've gradually stopped doing the things I love, through fear and anxiety.

I haven't been to Zumba for months, something I truly loved. I haven't been to the gym, my place to unwind.

Food wise, I'm doing fine. I still listen to my Thinking Slimmer each night, and letting my mind and body take control of what I eat, when I'm full etc.

I also think I need to say 'NO' more. I need to to put myself first, not stress over other peoples problems. There are people in my life that I truly care about, that aren't family, but outside of them, it's time to use the N word. In the last year, I've removed myself from some people that make me feel negative, I think that needs to continue this year coming. I'm not saying that these people are bad, just that they make ME feel negative.

Another plan for the coming year is to give this page a bit more love! I have had, apart from the odd post, a whole year off and I miss it! My anxiety got the better of me here, too. I felt like it was distracting me from my family. However, my family shouldn't have 100% of me! That's not healthy either.

So expect a little more Ojo this year.

If you don't agree with the whole 'new years resolution', that's fine! 
This year I feel like I need it, for the first time ever.

Onwards and upwards!