Sunday, October 16, 2016

An Inadequate Parent?

Do you ever feel like an inadequate parent?

I do.

As I've said before, I love to read blogs, as well as (occasionally) write them. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm a BAD parent. My children are loved, well behaved, caring, loving, well fed and, most importantly, happy (most of the time). Yes my eldest suffers with terrible anxiety, but knows he can talk to me about anything and, thankfully, does.

However, I sometimes feel that I'm failing, reading what comes from social media. I don't craft with my children, I get too frustrated. My 2 youngest boys are not fans of the outdoors, they would rather be inside, the middle one would stay in his room permanently if I let him! He does love kicking a ball around the front yard and when it's dry will do it for hours. 

I couldn't imagine getting my sons to go fruit picking, or conker collecting! As soon as one of them saw a bug, they would freak! This is obviously down to autistic traits.

To understand how it affects our days you have to understand how things affect my boys: My youngest fell over, when wearing shorts, when he was around 3. He's now nearly 9....... and hasn't worn shorts since! We did get him in long shorts, or cut offs, but the minute his knee shows, he panics. 
Another: We went to a park 3 years ago, I fell over, taking him with me, we haven't been to a park since!

Every time I see another Facebook post or page, showing people climbing trees or running through forests, with their children, my heart breaks a little. Hearing about their swimming achievements, first bike ride etc etc, my heart breaks again.

So I'm here to tell you (and remind myself):


Today I took my youngest shopping to Cardiff City and he didn't hate it, that's HUGE! As a parent that make me MORE than adequate! This is him trying a cookie, that was different to the ones he normally eats:

Granted, he didn't leave his pushchair, or take those gloves off. He didn't actually eat the cookie either! We DID get out though and, we enjoyed it.

So if those Facebook pages make you feel shitty, ignore them and think of something you did achieve today, as a parent.

We all rock, in our own ways.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Abilities, not Disabilities

I'm trying to write more, so I'm seeking inspiration from others. The inspiration from this post came from something First time Valley mam said (please take a look at her blog, it's an excellent look into life as a SEND parent).

She has written a post about the things her son, Z, CAN do.

Often, as parents of children with special needs, we are constantly having to tell people what our children are unable to do. Ajax struggles in so many ways and RJ will forever struggle with interpreting language (particularly body language).

However, I'm not focusing on that today.

I'm focusing on the what they CAN do:

Ajax has discovered a love of words. Even when he's glued to the television, he has to have the subtitles on. He wants to read everything, yesterday I was given a free paper with my shopping, cue my son sitting and reading the Independent!

He can create all sorts of things out of Blu-Tac, he loves the stuff! (he had 3 packets in his Xmas stocking last year). The things he makes are easily recognisable too, he will recreate creatures he has seen, to the finest detail. He is rarely seen without a piece in his hand.

Then there is RJ. His talent with a guitar is incredible, he regularly blows me away with his talent. He will listen to a song then re-create it within hours.

We bought him a Ukulele, last summer, within hours he had learnt a new song.

When he decides to learn something new, he'll do it really quickly. He learnt to ride a bike in hours, even though we'd been trying to teach him for years, but fear held him back. When he decided he was ready, he got on and rode. He was the same with swimming. Years of swimming lessons, he never got it, never cared. Then, one holiday he decided he wanted to learn, by the end of the week he was swimming a length of the pool, unaided.

Don't ever underestimate a child because they have special needs, but on the other side of the coin: Not all autistic children are like Rain Man! It's simply that they discover something they love, and understand, and obsess over it.

All 3 of my sons are incredibly artistic, and creative, in their own ways.

It's simply my job to nurture it.........and shout from the rooftops how awesome they are!

Saturday, October 08, 2016

Who Am I?

I am the parent of the children you don't understand.
The child that rocks and flaps, but doesn't play with others.
The child that will stand alone, talking.

I am the wife of the disabled husband.
The man that doesn't get out much, because it physically hurts him.
The man that I adore, that I will love in sickness and in health, for the rest of my days.

I am the rainbow lady, full of contradictions.
I am shy, yet outgoing.
I am the party animal, that still likes an early night.
The un-confident lady, that stands out in a crowd.

I am the woman that goes against the rules, because I live in a traditional way.
That still thinks in 'blue & pink' in a time that we are not supposed to.

A woman that supports feminism, yet doesn't live it.

I am a wife, a mother, a daughter.

I am a friend to many, yet often lonely.

I am different, yet the same.

I am simply me, take it or leave it.