Tuesday, November 29, 2016

What's the difference?

Today was one of those rare days for our family, a day without appointments. When we get these days me and Mr. Ojo try to get our shopping done. Along with the shopping, we usually treat ourselves to a breakfast at the supermarket.


Whilst there, today, I saw something that got me thinking, then talking........then writing.

There was a couple sat, a few tables away from us, I would guess a few years older, possibly in their 60's. They were sat with their coffee, at a table for 2, each reading a newspaper.

Nothing wrong with that, you say?

No, there isn't.
However, would you have said the same......if they'd both been on their mobile phones/tablets.

What's the difference?

I actually had my phone on the table, it's always to hand because I often get phone calls from my sons schools. I wasn't looking at it particularly, we were eating and talking. I did take a look at my phone, as we finished eating, I took a peak at the news (the couple with the newspaper reminded me how 'out of the loop' I am). Me and my hubby then sat and passed the phone back and forth discussing said news.

Not TOTALLY IGNORING EACH OTHER as the other couple were. Now, I have now idea how busy their lives are or what normal circumstances are, for this couple. It just bugs me that people on their phone are instantly slated.

The only difference between a couple sat, years ago, reading a newspaper, and a couple reading the news now is technology. We have moved into a technological age where everything is on a mobile device.

We don't bat an eyelid at someone with a camera out. Years ago I had a Walkman, then a portable CD player, no one said anything about those either.

Yet if you look at your phone you are vilified! You are ignoring your children, you are basically the devil incarnate!?

So, again, the question is:

What really is the difference?

Why can't we sit with our phones when we have a quiet 5 minutes? What is so wrong with taking a break from the everyday grind? Yes, I like to play games on my phone, why is that different from the lady I saw today doing her crossword.

It frustrates me immensely, as you may have noticed, that I am judged simply because it's a phone.

Move on people, time has!

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Why I can't make 'friends' anymore:

Now, before everyone jumps down my throat, yes I know I have friends. However, most of them are now just on social media, it doesn't feel real anymore.

I've come to the realisation, particularly this past few weeks, that I don't really speak to many people anymore.....not REALLY talk.

I'm the person who likes to help. I'm the person you call when you need something, because if the one small thing I can do makes you happy, or makes your life easier in any small way, it makes me happy.

However, I'm not happy.
I'm lonely.

I know why it is, it's because I'm a 'carer', I've fallen into that category and didn't even realise. If the conversation isn't about bowel movements, meltdowns, food or disability, I don't know what to say. I don't really know what other people, 'normal' people, talk about any more. I'm not really up on current events, I'm not really available for social events, life is passing me by.

I speak to many people in passing, but it's not a real conversation, it's just small talk, passing time. People don't really want to know about my husbands disabilities, and how they have significantly impacted our life, I don't think people realise how disabled he is now. (apart from my wonderful parents, who are probably the only people who 'get' my life these days)

I never really realised how hard caring for someone you love, when they are in constant pain, was. My children have always been the way they are, although Ajax's needs are getting greater as he grows.

I'm so bloody tired, but I don't really have anyone to tell, because I don't have a person I can go to. I recently went out for a night and (I'm sorry girls), I didn't really enjoy myself. I was ready to come home by 9pm, but lasted til 10. 

I hate that my life has changed this way. My favourite saying these days is:

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

Nothing is going to change, I guess I just wanted to explain myself a little. Maybe explain that sometimes you have no idea what's going on in people's lives, so if they seem ignorant maybe it's because they don't know what to say.


Particularly us parents of SEND children, or caring for those we love. We just lose touch with the real world so easily.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

An Inadequate Parent?

Do you ever feel like an inadequate parent?

I do.

As I've said before, I love to read blogs, as well as (occasionally) write them. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm a BAD parent. My children are loved, well behaved, caring, loving, well fed and, most importantly, happy (most of the time). Yes my eldest suffers with terrible anxiety, but knows he can talk to me about anything and, thankfully, does.

However, I sometimes feel that I'm failing, reading what comes from social media. I don't craft with my children, I get too frustrated. My 2 youngest boys are not fans of the outdoors, they would rather be inside, the middle one would stay in his room permanently if I let him! He does love kicking a ball around the front yard and when it's dry will do it for hours. 

I couldn't imagine getting my sons to go fruit picking, or conker collecting! As soon as one of them saw a bug, they would freak! This is obviously down to autistic traits.

To understand how it affects our days you have to understand how things affect my boys: My youngest fell over, when wearing shorts, when he was around 3. He's now nearly 9....... and hasn't worn shorts since! We did get him in long shorts, or cut offs, but the minute his knee shows, he panics. 
Another: We went to a park 3 years ago, I fell over, taking him with me, we haven't been to a park since!

Every time I see another Facebook post or page, showing people climbing trees or running through forests, with their children, my heart breaks a little. Hearing about their swimming achievements, first bike ride etc etc, my heart breaks again.

So I'm here to tell you (and remind myself):

IGNORE THAT SHIT!

Today I took my youngest shopping to Cardiff City and he didn't hate it, that's HUGE! As a parent that make me MORE than adequate! This is him trying a cookie, that was different to the ones he normally eats:


Granted, he didn't leave his pushchair, or take those gloves off. He didn't actually eat the cookie either! We DID get out though and, we enjoyed it.

So if those Facebook pages make you feel shitty, ignore them and think of something you did achieve today, as a parent.

We all rock, in our own ways.